Find my tribe – part two

In part one of Find my Tribe, I reflected on how hard it is for me to ask for help and rely on others, but that I was determined to move towards thriving rather than surfing and that I would make a change – one step at a time.

If I stand on my self-made island, I will get more of the same.
All I will do is survive.

I’m tired of doing that.
It’s exhausting.
And lonely.
I’ve done that my whole life. Time to switch the mindset and think, do, be different.
To tell a new story.
To find my tribe.
I’d like that.

To thrive. Prosper, flourish, bloom, blossom. I wonder if I can find a tribe?

I’m working my way through Christiane Northrup’s book Goddesses Never Age: The Secret Prescription for Radiance, Vitality and Well- Being. I’m not reviewing the book here, just touching on bits that are relevant to tribes! She believes that “the happiest people are those who have a tribe” and talks about the power of community as a way to keep us ageless and healthy.

This made me look at the need to belong to a tribe or community from a fresh perspective. What she says adds to the ideas I was exploring in my last post. I’ll share some thoughts from her book which are perfect for my Thursday Thort series.

Cardiac coherence

Her argument is that community (read ‘tribe’, as she uses both words) can keep us healthy by helping us to release fear, anger, and grief which in turn encourages the development of a sense of safety, happiness and optimism. She writes that “we’re designed to interact with each other” as a huge tribe of sisters and brothers who let go of social anxiety, fear, and shame to enjoy experiences together. She calls this sharing “cardiac coherence“. This is where our hearts synchronise with each other and change the energy field we share. And as a result, we begin to attract people, places, and things that reflect our celebration of life.

Unhealthy community fosters poor health. Healthy communities foster true flourishing. If you want to remain ageless, you need to create a subculture of individuals who are living healthfully and joyfully. Affirm and imagine your supportive tribe and be patient as the universe works to bring it to you. [page 224]

Advice for the young at heart / Soon we will be older / When we gonna make it work?

Thanks, Tears for Fears for those lyrics which seem pertinent. Indeed, when are we gonna make it work? How do we make this work? Christiane’s advice for building or finding your tribe is comprehensive, but I’ve selected two of her ideas: 1) that we outgrow things and 2) we expend energy in relationships in good and detrimental ways.

One. Be judicious about who is in your tribe – choose carefully, choose people who will help you flourish and avoid people who are not supportive of you or the tribe’s ideas and values as they can drain and depress you. Being around people who depress and frustrate you will age you quickly.

Two. Work out which friendships and relationships in your life are worth nurturing and which aren’t, both new and old. If you’ve outgrown a friendship or relationship, let it “wither on the vine” i.e. just devote less energy to it than you have in the past. Put your energy into the relationships that are supportive and nurturing.

For me, 1 and 2 are about setting healthier boundaries, not getting sucked into experiences and relationships that will drain me of energy. And something that I find hard to do – not being afraid to say “no” when I need to protect or look after myself.

I guess it’s about creating space for other energy to come into my life. If it is so cluttered with people, things, thoughts and memories that I no longer want or need, that sap my energy, there is no space for anything new to come in.

Three. Make a commitment to bring new people into your life who will be more supportive of you, who have youthful energy and who don’t constantly talk about their ailments and ill health!

Oh haha. I know what she means. When people say “how are you?”, I generally start talking about my health, when there are really so many other ways I could respond!  Perhaps now, I’ll be more mindful of how I respond – change the energy a bit!

A supportive tribe - Danbo and Mr Spencer

Danbo seems to have found a supportive tribe with Mr Spencer

Whew! There’s a lot of advice, plenty to think about.
Would you agree with Christiane’s view of community making us feel healthier? It certainly makes me think differently! I’d love to hear what you think.

Debbie blog sign off 2018

This post is part of my Thursday Thort series.

5 thoughts on “Find my tribe – part two

  1. Pradeep says:

    Hi Debbie, I am not so much of an extrovert; and I don’t tend to share my thoughts and feelings with many people. As such my circle of friends is very small. But I have noticed that when I do share my difficult thoughts with some people in that small circle of friends, I do feel much lighter and more energised.
    But it is important who one shares these thoughts with. They should ideally be those who can be supportive and resolve issues than those who tend to worsen it.
    — Pradeep |

    Liked by 1 person

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