Valentine’s Day, 14th February 2019 – England
The Universe is reminding me that I am transitioning from separation to connection.
I was living alone in a massive house which I was looking after for a colleague who was on sabbatical. I spent a lot of time alone. I was adjusting to an “empty nest” and there were weekends when I didn’t get dressed or see another single soul. I returned to an empty house every evening after work. Thank goodness my two cats were always there to greet me. I filled my time with writing, watching Netflix series and sleeping. I had routines but an abundance of free time to fill. Sometimes the days passed so slowly and time seemed endless. I was intensely lonely. Stuck. Unmotivated.
My cats and I moved in with friends for the three weeks before our departure from South Africa. One day was I living alone, and the next I was living with two retired friends who had a particular structure to their days. They also had an menagerie of animals. I rapidly made adjustments: to social rather than solitary meals, eating at a table set for a meal, a sundowner at 5pm, saying good morning to other people, rather than just grunting at my cats. Embracing the energy that’s loads of animals bring to a home.
Now, here I am in England. I am living with my ‘adopted’ mother (my ex-mother-in-law) who is 85 for the next few months until I decide where I want to live and work in the UK. She has generously opened her home to me for the interim. I am making my bedroom my own (you can read more in this post) and once again I find myself adjusting to a new space – her space, as well as a new country and a different season.
She naturally has her own routines, ways of doing things and a social calendar.
I find, all of a sudden that I also have a social calendar! I’m really not used to that!
My family naturally want to catch up and spend time with my son and I. There is also so much to do here. Simple things like going to the cinema are a highlight, as our small town in South Africa did not have a cinema. Food shopping is still fun (I’m sure that novelty will wear off shortly!), as I explore what’s on offer here and treat myself to favourite goodies like Scottish shortbread and crumpets!
I find that the days pass in the blink of an eye.
Suddenly I am connected to my extended family.
I am not working, yet it seems that I have become as busy as a bee!
Of course, this brings its own challenges.
Carving out time to write and to be creative is proving to be difficult. Not because of anyone’s behaviours, but because the newness of my life is in itself a challenge.
I need to be flexible, and cut myself some slack.
I cannot simply continue as I’ve done before.
That is one of the reasons I moved back here – to change my circumstances and create a new life.
Bees are my messengers
Bees are popping into my awareness in abundance at the moment!
After writing my Morning Pages in the morning, I do an Oracle Card reading to ground me for the day. This morning I (and earlier this week) I drew the Bee Spirit card from Colette Baron-Reid’s Animal Spirit Guides card deck.
This always makes me smile, as my name Deborah, means honey-bee in Hebrew.
The key message the Bee brings to me is to immerse myself in the connected energy of all things – “connect to the Great Hive and buzz in harmony” is how the card description puts it. It is time to move from self-centeredness to connectedness with others. That I no longer need to feel alone or isolated.
The bees and the hive are a great metaphor for my life as it is at this moment. I am re-joining my family hive, enjoying how that makes me feel. Perhaps the bee is a messenger to help me transition through these changes as I am move from being separate and alone (disconnected), to being connected to others once again.
More than that, I also know that bees in general symbolise balance between being (‘bee-ing’ ) and doing, reminders to stop and smell the flowers in amongst the doing. I need to remember that life is sweet (honey) and that in spite of there being much to do here I must make time to “bee”.
And to top it all off, I bought a new teapot last week emblazoned with the message: “Bee my pot of tea”.
Here’s to making time in the coming week to ‘be’ and to acknowledge and be grateful for the sweetness of life.
This post is part of my Transitions series.