Transitions – In limbo

As I sit here, I have no doubt that the larger world events are impacting every one of us in similar and different ways. Our common humanity will ensure that every single one of us is worried about vulnerable family members, distressed about someone who is far away from home, concerned for a friend or colleague in a country that is in lock down, anxious for a loved one on the front line that works in the health or emergency services.

People who run small, local businesses or rely on tourism will be wondering how they will survive. Online creatives will suffer too. If we have children at school or university, or travelling, there will be another whole bunch of worries constantly vying for our attention. It goes on and on.

Of course, we worry, that is part of our humanness. But I’m not here to tell you how not to worry! I’m here to tell you, that in addition to all this, I’m in limbo!

I’ve been offered a job that I am really keen to get started with, but my start date has already been delayed once and not because of the coronavirus. Admin hold ups, the uncertainty of how COVID19 will affect my commuting to the mainland and turning up for work, when universities may be closing down are messing with my mind.

Honestly, I started this week feeling very frustrated and edgy, not a good state to be in with all the other stuff going on. I’ve had to work hard to shift those thoughts and feelings. Patience is the only way forward. After all, what can I do about any of the delays regarding my work?
I can only take each day as it comes.
The only thing I can control is my attitude and how I respond.
So my response is patience and acceptance.

Life is messy

In this in-between time, I’m looking for ways to appreciate the opportunities the delays present, rather than feeling frustrated. And to my surprise, I am having some measure of success.

It’s funny. I’ve recently realised that I can feel both positive and negative emotions at the same time. I suppose, as complex beings, this shouldn’t be news to me, but it is!

The likelihood of feeling 100% joyous / happy / positive, every minute of every day is minimal, especially at the moment. As with most things, having admitted to myself that I can feel both frustrated and optimistic at the same time has completely taken the pressure off and as I write this, I feel peaceful and calm, accepting that this is the way it is at the moment.
Accepting that Life is Messy.

Looking for opportunities

I have an extra 7 days (maybe more) before I start full time work again. How to make the most of this time?

Sleep in? Yes, I can make the most of that, although in all honesty, I have been doing that for well over 13 months now.

Get out and get fresh air. Touch wood, I’m not ill and I don’t need to self-isolate (yet). I’ve made a list of places on the island that I want to explore; places where I can go with my camera and not come into close contact with loads of people, where I can feel fresh sea breezes, the sun on my face and hear the sound of the waves on the sand or pebbles. It brings me into the present moment and out of the lurking catastrophising mindset about coronavirus.

Of course, like most of the Northern Hemisphere, I am spending a lot of time at home – again, this is something I’ve done a lot of over the last 6 months – you can understand my eagerness to start work, to have a focus and a reason to get up in the morning.

Being at home

Being at home so much sucks me into social media. Wow, it is a double-edged sword at the moment – it can whip me up into a frenzy of panic, but it is making me realise that we are all in this together and we need to be there for each other, in any ways that we can. I’m being brutal about what I listen to, what I read and when. I’m looking for inspiration, connection, compassion, considered, balanced views of the world, rather than scare mongering and catastrophising.

I’m currently finding this in…

  • The videos of people in Italy signing from their balconies – they human spirit is incredible.
  • The host of the Daily Show in America is South Africa’s own comic export, Trevor Noah (@thedailyshow). If you are feeling depressed about the situation in the world right now, watch Trevor’s take on things for a refreshingly different perspective.
  • Ingrid Fetell-Lee’s Instagram feed (@aestheticsofjoy), is helping me look for ways to bring joy into my home space through colour, pattern, abundance and so on.
  • The author, Liz Gilbert (@elizabeth_gilbert_writer) is very wise and I’m following her Instagram too, even re-reading her book “Big Magic” in my search for inspiration.
  • Surprisingly, BBC Radio 2 is also bringing me joy! The presenters are coming across as real and there is just the right balance of news, interesting guests and music to keep me active and singing.

In ending off, I’m curious to know if there is something receptive about my current vibration and state of mind, because this morning as I wrote my routine Morning Pages, I was nudged to write a blog post for the first time in three months. Those months have been dark, filled with angst, depression, self-doubt and financial worries. Perhaps the acceptance of things as they are, doing what I can to help myself and others stay healthy is enough and with that has come a serenity I did not expect.

Who knows if this is the start of me writing again, or not. I shall see how it goes!
There you have it, that’s my current story.
What’s yours?

Stay healthy and safe.

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